you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
