girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
