I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
