went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
