So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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