I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
