whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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