u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
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Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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