If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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