Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
