Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
