she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish there were birth control emojis
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
