I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
