I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
