oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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