what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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