I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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