Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
