you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
