I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
