we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A bitchslap is in order.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
