9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
