Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
