you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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