none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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