I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
