Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
two words: eviction party
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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