Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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