I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
