oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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