overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
