I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
