Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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