Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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