Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He passed out mid-signature
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
