just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
