Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
