Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
