His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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