false alarm. still invincible.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she smelled like a LAN party
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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