I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
