i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
