We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
