i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
