so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
