dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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