i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
