I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
