my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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