the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
