How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
