when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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