Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
