apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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