oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
