I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
