I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
