I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
