i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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