I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
