I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
