i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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