A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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